We all tend to remember where we were and what we were doing at certain seminal moments in history. Like for instance when Princess Diana was killed, I clearly recall being in the back yard pulling out weeds when my wife came out to tell me the news. Not being particularly interested in things to do with the royal family I nodded in acknowledgement and went straight back to the gardening. Similarly when Australia II won the America's Cup in 1983, I remember being on school holidays on the Gold Coast and getting up to watch the race at the crack of dawn, never an easy thing for a teenager.
Then, 40 years later to the day, sitting in the office on an otherwise non-descript Tuesday afternoon when one of my co-workers turned to me and passed on the announcement that after almost 9 years, the ghastly reign of Dan Andrews was about to come to an end. Needless to say, I wasn't expecting this given his previous assurances that he intended to serve out his term, but as someone who has turned breaking promises and lying into an art form during his time in power, in hindsight it is probably not that surprising.
One can only speculate on his reasons for getting out now, but the circumstances surrounding his sudden departure were replete with the sort of reprehensible traits which categorised his time in office. Aside from breaking a key election promise, there was the contempt shown to his fellow parliamentarians by keeping his decision secret and having them find out only shortly before his press conference. But then again, the sheer arrogance of the man meant that the government has only ever been about him and his appointed lackeys in the Premier's department, and to his mind, the rest of the ministry and party room were only ever there to be the stooges doing his bidding, or to take the fall when things go horribly wrong (remember Jenny Mikakos anyone?).
Then, once the chaos caused by his snap decision to resign manifested itself in a grubby factional squabble, and meant that his anointed successor could have been rolled in favour of Ben Carroll, he delivered one last petulant dose of trademark Andrews bullying, hectoring and hurling profanities at his factional opponents in a party room meeting described as "nuclear" until he finally got his way. God knows why he cared so much given his stated intention of riding off into the sunset to play golf and read books, but I know for sure we will never find out. Being forthcoming and transparent was never his thing.
As I reflect back now over Andrews' time in office and find myself flying into an apoplectic rage worthy of Basil Fawlty, it's easy to forget that not all measures taken on his watch were bad. As anyone who has tried to battle the Melbourne traffic would testify, removing a bunch of redundant level crossings was most welcome, and assisted dying laws now allow anyone with a terminal illness to end their lives with dignity and without having to endure unnecessary suffering and palliative care. And just maybe recent laws curtailing the ability of Councils and NIMBYs to reject what are otherwise eminently sensible housing developments will in time help to ameliorate the current housing shortage and enable our young people to be able to afford their own home.
However these things pale in comparison with things like the reckless financial spending, the appalling state of the health system, the falling standard of living of Victorians relative to the rest of the country, and last but not least, the ham-fisted and overly-oppressive manner in which the Andrews government handled the COVID pandemic.
The irritating thing is that many of these things we have had to endure and the state Victoria finds itself today arose as a direct result of the autocratic, arrogant and secretive way in which Andrews ran his government, and could easily have been averted with a greater commitment to transparency, consensus and ministerial responsibility in the normal manner of the Westminster system.
But no, Dan in his hubris always knew best, even when he patently didn't. And his insufferable ego never permitted him to admit to any mis-steps, much less apologise for them.
Taking up the offer to use the military to oversee hotel quarantine? No, stuff it, I've got a better idea, just get an untrained private security firm to do it.
Illegally signing up for an infrastructure programme promoted by the Chinese government and not tell anyone about it until I get busted? Great idea. Oh and then after I've tried to lumber the state with this shitty agreement and I go on a trip to China, I'm not going to tell you why I'm going.
Run our build projects by experts at Infrastructure Australia to see if they're really worth the enormous cost? No, what the hell would they know. And if they don't go ahead I miss out on getting the new tunnel named after me !
Submit myself to media interviews where Virginia Trioli or Neil Mitchell might question my decisions? The temerity of them ! No, they're blacklisted, instead I'll just communicate by Facebook or Twitter where I can't be scrutinised.
The cost of servicing the state's debt sure become a challenge. That can't be because I spent too much can it? No, its the Reserve Bank's fault for putting up rates !
The legacies left by the appalling financial and societal management by the Andrews government over the past 9 years include a government debt dwarfing all other states and territories; the highest state taxes (small wonder over 7,000 business left Victoria in the last financial year); a generation of young people suffering mental illness caused by 291 days of lockdown; a state that now has the 2nd lowest income per household in the country and which will soon be overtaken by resource-poor South Australia; and CBD and St Kilda Road precincts blighted by endless ugly construction hoardings for projects running years over schedule. Those are some serious problems to fix, and I wish Jacinta Allan good luck in her attempt to address them. She is going to need it.
I sometimes idly speculate on the identity of Dan's political muse, the person who most informed his ideology and style. It's certainly not one of the great modern Labor leaders in Bob Hawke or Paul Keating. Hawke was well-known for empowering his ministers and making full use of the considerable talent in his party room, something that was anathema to Dan. Keating recognised the importance to the economy of a vibrant and competitive private sector, introducing policies that allowed it to thrive, whereas Dan showed little interest in private business other than as a piggy-bank to pay for his pet projects.
Or funnily enough, might it be Donald Trump? The two share many similarities in that they both have colossal egos, are terrible with money, they both screwed up on pandemic management and they repeatedly trash institutions that are vitally important to a thriving democracy, like the courts, the free press and anti-corruption bodies.
But no, I think the best fit is Erich Honecker, the sinister former Chairman of East Germany who was no doubt the inspiration for many a Bond villain. When you think about it, it makes sense. Certainly Melbourne during the pandemic came to feel like East Berlin during the Cold War, as the oppressed citizens on the wrong side of the wall looked wistfully towards the west with all its political and personal freedoms and significantly better standard of living. Leaving the regime was prohibited, and anyone trying to flee across the wall into the west was shot on sight by the Stasi.
As a puppet state of communist Russia the government controlled the economy and most other aspects of daily life in much the same way that Victoria was run during the pandemic. And when the wall finally came down and Germany was re-unified, the western part of the country was horrified when it saw how badly the east had been run down in 45 years, much like my reaction when I saw the Melbourne CBD for the first time in 6 months when the lockdown nightmare finally ended in October 2021.
When the extent of Honecker's abuses of power became fully known, he fled to Chile to escape prosecution and eventually died there in 1994. Unfortunately that's where I think the similarities with Dan end. While his time in office has left Victoria a damaged state with serious financial difficulties, his conduct was probably not criminal. Or if it was, after the Fitzgerald inquiry in Queensland which led to the jailing of several members of parliament, governments with dirty laundry they don't wish to be aired are now are careful to limit the frame of reference of royal commissions or other inquiries.
So I think we'll just have to take satisfaction from the fact that this abhorrent individual is finally gone from public life. If there has ever been a more mean-spirited, arrogant, autocratic, sneaky, mendacious, incompetent, petulant bully to darken the door of an Australian parliament I can't readily think of one.
Good riddance, Despot Dan, and may we never see your like again.
