Don't Be Shy

For this instalment, I would like to break the mould a bit and move away from my pet topics of political idiocy, appalling airline standards and the status of St Kilda's season - even though with the Greens now running the country, Tiger Airlines being grounded and the Saints winning 3 on the trot, there is much to ponder. Instead, I would like to explore something that I suspect has been a blight on humanity ever since we emerged from the primordial slime 2 million years ago, namely shyness.

Most people would have memories as a child growing up of their parents constantly giving them trite advice or telling them what to do. These pearls of wisdom would range from the mundane, such as "sit up straight" to the blatantly untrue or bizarre, eg. "don't pull a face, the wind might change and you'll be stuck that way" or "eat your crusts or your hair won't turn curly". However one seemingly banal bit of advice that often would get wheeled out, especially when distant and very elderly uncles and aunts would come to visit, has to me at least proven quite sage - that is, "don't be shy".

Funnily enough, this is advice that a lot of people tend to ignore as they go through life. On the surface, this behaviour seems odd when you consider the relative benefits one can get from steeling yourself and putting yourself out there as opposed to retreating into your shell. In my 40 plus years on the planet I have come across a lot of extroverts and introverts, and while the latter substantially outnumber the former, it is the extroverts who have disproportionately more successful lives, whether that be financially, career-wise or with the opposite sex. This is despite the fact that in many cases, the introverts are superior to the extroverts in terms of talent, attractiveness and pure brainpower. This seems to explode the myth that no-one likes a blow hard, especially in Australia. If we don't like them, then why are we so happy to hang out with them, give them a promotion at work and sleep with them?

When you think about it, it's odd that such a social species as mankind has developed powerful inhibitors to our social and professional success. There are of course obvious reasons for keeping your guard up in any particular situation, be it social, professional or otherwise. Fear of failure or rejection, embarrassment and potentially suffering unwanted attention or consequences are just a few. I'm not saying either that there aren't certain situations where it pays to keep one's reserve, such as when you are on a train full of Collingwood supporters who've just suffered a 1 point loss and it's still 12 stops to your station. However, when someone's reticence starts to seriously impinge on what they could otherwise achieve in life, then they need to receive the message loud and clear - get over it, or be prepared to suffer the consequences. Consequences that could well involve curtailed career opportunities, vastly reduced scope for sexual engagement and being mistakenly considered boring, uptight or retarded.

It's frustrating that some people wind up this way as a lot of the time, shy people have a lot to offer. I think most of us would have a story about a painfully shy person they have known who on the odd occasion has come out of their shell and dazzled them with their wit, intelligence or at the very least, drinking ability. This certainly applies to the most introverted person I have ever met, a solicitor in the Brisbane firm I worked with as a graduate in the early 1990s. This individual would scuttle past you in the corridor, eyes firmly fixed to the floor, then mutter an apology to you as he passed even though he'd avoided any physical contact by a good 2 metres. He would then retreat at speed into his office, shut the door and immediately immerse himself in some document or other leaving you with the firm impression he would rather go visit the proctologist than be disturbed by another human being.

Yet on the one occasion where he gave a training session to the junior lawyers, he spoke eloquently and at length about his topic, displaying a fierce intellect and leaving everyone in the room with the undoubtedly correct impression that here was a highly capable practitioner who should have clients running to his door. The problem was, as soon as the session was over, rather than hang out for a bit and let us bathe in his wisdom, he scuttled off back down the corridor to his office, shut the door and  immersed himself in his document again. The net result of this sort of behaviour was that people junior to him and far less capable got promoted ahead of him and more than likely, paid more. What he thought of this I suspect no-one will ever know, however to anyone with any level of talent, it's a salient lesson in what can happen if you're not prepared to put yourself out there and let people know what you are capable of.

While this may be a sad individual story, the reluctance of intelligent introverts to give us the benefit of their wisdom has greater repercussions for society as a whole as it allows those with the loudest voices and not necessarily the biggest brains to run things. The fact that someone like Sarah Palin can get to where they have is testament to this. It's also an indictment on those of us who, having the ability to make a difference or make the most of our talents, choose not to because of some misguided fear of embarassment or God knows what else.

Get over it people, what are you worried about? Plenty of higher profile people than you have made a public ass of themselves and lived to tell the tale - Bill Clinton, George Michael and Tiger Woods just to name a few. Do youselves a favour and listen to your parents - don't be shy.