He seems determined to eliminate colour out of politics entirely, with the result that his Cabinet is collectively about as interesting as a vanilla milkshake (the feisty 'ranga, Julia Gillard aside). Draining all the charisma and mojo out of someone like Peter Garrett is a big ask, but K-Rudd seems to have managed it. There is a lot of talk - far too much for my liking - on issues such as becoming a republic, climate change and improving the lot of aboriginals, but precious little action.
However while I find Rudd mildly irritating, the prospect of Tony Abbott becoming Prime Minister fills me with horror. This is because despite being leader of the Liberal Party, Abbott is not a liberal thinker - he is a conservative. And not just a small "c" conservative, he's right up there on the political Richter scale among the likes of Bush, Reagan and Thatcher.
Worryingly given it's an election year, Abbott seems to have made a reasonable start as opposition leader. The buffoon who went round picking fights with asbestos victims at the last election has had a makeover from the spin doctors and the 2010 version comes across as much more polished, cuddly and moderate.
Don't be fooled though. It is all a front designed to recapture the middle ground. Abbott is about as cuddly as an echidna with a bad case of psoriasis. If he gets elected, we will be right back where we were when we finally saw the back of that pox on society, John Howard. Let's be absolutely clear here - a vote for Tony Abbott is not a vote for the liberal party; it is a vote for the conservative party. To illustrate my point, let's consider the differing viewpoints of conservatives and liberals on a range of issues:
- Conservatives believe steadfastly in God, however only one that is Christian and protestant. Maybe a Catholic one at a pinch; but certainly not a Jewish or Islamic God. A fair few liberals also practice a faith of some sort; but also recognise that their faith isn't the only one out there and that we need to show tolerance to peoples of other creeds.
- Conservatives think the White Australia Policy was a terrific idea and should still be going today; liberals recognise that blatantly racist policies like this are entirely inappropriate in the modern era.
- Conservatives believe in capital punishment for certain crimes; liberals believe that no crime could be so heinous as to merit such punishment, and that the punishment is probably worse than the crime itself.
- Conservatives believe that welfare shouldn't be the government's responsibility and should be provided solely by charity groups; liberals recognise the need for government to provide a reasonable safety net.
- Conservatives think that homosexuality is an abomination against God; liberals believe that while it might not be for them, what happens in people's bedrooms is their own business.
- Conservatives think that any trade union or other employee association which stands in the way of big business making money should be outlawed; liberals believe big business should be entitled to make money, but recognise the need for a fair working arrangement between employer and employee.
- Conservatives think all boat people are cynical queue jumpers who should be sent straight back to their wartorn home countries on the first available 44-gallon drum. Liberals, while concerned about border protection, realise things are not that simple and that certain asylum seekers ought to be allowed to settle here.
- Conservatives think government should be as small as possible and taxes as low as possible. Liberals recognise that governments have certain basic obligations to their citizens and need to provide certain services to enable society to function properly.
- Conservatives think the monarchy should continue forever; liberals are genuinely puzzled as to why our head of state isn't Australian.
- Conservatives think that climate change is a load of piffle dreamed up by socialists to stop big business making money; liberals deal in reality.
I could go on ad nauseam, but I'm sure you get my drift. This is not to say that I don't agree with conservatives on some things (capital punishment for driving at 40kph in the right lane is something I would like to see), but when you go through the list above, I definitely don't want one of them running the country. The scary thing is that Tony Abbott probably believes most of this stuff and if he gets elected, he is going to be driven to do what he believes. Why wouldn't he? That's what we all do, isn't it? Spin doctors are pretty adept at dressing up a donkey and calling it a stallion, but they aren't miracle workers. They can't do personality and conscience transplants.
It's a very human trait to quickly forget what went on in the past and move on with our lives. After a gruelling 2 years going through the GFC and listening to Kevin spout incomprehensible nonsense, people might start scratching their heads and begin thinking that John Howard wasn't so bad after all. Well, don't. In case you have forgotten, here are some of the things that Howard and his bunch of morally bankrupt bovver boys did:
- Locked up refugee children in hell hole camps in the middle of the desert, or sent them off to that lovely island paradise, Nauru. That's after they falsely accused their parents of throwing them off the boat.
- Got us involved in two costly and unnecessary wars with countries that posed no threat to Australia, merely because George Bush had a whim that Saddam Hussein had some peashooters and Osama Bin Laden was hiding under a rock somewhere in Afghanistan.
- Along with - guess who, George Bush - failed to sign the Kyoto protocol or develop any policy to address climate change until he realised too late it might be a vote winner.
- Cynically played up non-existent terrorist threats with the express purpose of scaring the bejesus out of the population and ensure they wouldn't vote him of office.
- Implicitly approved of Pauline Hanson, and annoyed our important Asian trading neighbours to the extreme by letting her run unchecked around the country stirring up racial hatred.
- Failed to do anything to advance the health and wellbeing of aborigines and let them wallow in squalid camps in the Northern Territory.
- Gave away millions as a "baby bonus" to bogans to spend on plasmas in pursuit of a misguided view that a country that is 90% desert somehow needs a lot more people.
- Subtly sabotaged what was meant to be a bi-partisan republic debate and ensured the republic referendum never had a prayer of succeeding.
- Frittered away the windfall benefits of the biggest mining boom in a century on unnecessary tax cuts and pork-barrelling. Don't blame K-Rudd for the deficit; blame Costello.
- Made Islamic Australians feel unwelcome in their own country.
- Hobbled the ABC and the CSIRO by putting in McKinsey-trained halfwits to run them like businesses instead of how they were meant to be run.
- Brought in employment legislation so draconian and odious that it ultimately proved their undoing.
Again, I could go on, but I'm afraid I will burst a blood vessel if I do. Still, if you think all this stuff is terrific, then go ahead and vote for Tony. After all, it's not like the incumbents are that inspiring, are they. Just don't come crying to me if the Chinese cut all trading ties with us and we spend billions invading some country ending in "Stan".
How depressing. Neo-Con Tony or Kevin "Programmatic Specificity" Rudd. It's a bit like choosing between sticking your fingers in a paper shredder or, to quote Blackadder, beating your tongue wafer thin with a meat tenderiser, then stapling it to the floor with a croquet hoop. Maybe I'll pick up my family and go live somewhere else where they have a decent government.
Hmm, let me think. The only place that comes to mind is Mars.
